Take the Quiz: How Pentecostal Are You?
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1. When I go on vacation, the first thing I do when I enter a hotel room is:
___ Crack open a beer and flip on the TV (0 points)
___ Read a few chapters from the Gideon Bible (1 point)
___ Anoint the TV with oil (2 points)
2. The last movie that I saw in a theater was:
___ Snakes on a Plane (0 points)
___ The Passion of the Christ (1 point)
___ The Wizard of Oz, and three years later, I had to be delivered from flying monkey demons (2 points)
3. When I find myself deeply in credit card debt, it is because:
___ I got drunk and blew a month's pay on a lifetime supply of Cheez Whiz (-2 points)
___ I got fired but kept tithing the same amount anyway so that nobody at church would find out (1 point)
___ A revival started in Finland. Plane tickets are so expensive. Why doesn't God ever send an outpouring to Idaho? (2 points)
4. When my spouse is late returning home:
__ I watch reruns of the Jerry Springer Show. My spouse hates that show. (0 points)
__ I wonder whether my spouse is cheating on me (1 point)
__ I worry that maybe I missed the Rapture (2 points)
5. During my last vacation:
__ I went to Vegas (0 points)
__ I helped paint a church in Mexico (1 point)
__ I installed a pool in my pastor's yard, next to the gazebo that I built during my previous vacation (10 points)
6. I call my pastor:
__ Whenever I want to complain about the sermon (0 points)
__ Whenever I need prayer for a serious health problem (1 point)
__ Whenever I worry that Groundhog Day might have pagan origins (2 points)
7. When I am sick:
__ I stay in bed in a Nyquil-induced stupor (0 points)
__ I notify the church prayer chain (1 point)
__ (Cough!) I'b neber sick. I'b healed in Jesus nabe! (Hack! Wheeze!) By faith, I beliebe it! (5 points)
8. When I see a gorgeous woman dressed in skin-tight hot-pink rhinestone-embedded capri pants, I think:
__ She's hot! (0 points)
__ She should dress more modestly so that she does not cause men to stumble (1 point)
__ She is wearing apparel that pertaineth to a man (50 points or a pair of prescription eyeglasses)
BONUS SECTION:
Add five points if you have ever tried to raise a household pet from the dead.
Add fifty points if you believe you succeeded.
Add five more points if you gave a testimony about it at church.
SCORING:
Find the total number of points that you received, and compare it to the chart below.
-2 to 0: You are going to hell
1 to 5: You are going to hell
6 to 10: You are going to hell
11 to 15: You are going to hell
16+: You are a Pentecostal! Woooooooo! Glory!
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